i've heard of Neopets since 2003, but i can't say i've been on the site since that long. to clarify, i've never stuck with one single account; i've made multiple accounts over the years since i felt that the 4-pet limit was kind of... well, limiting (that, and the fact that i've transitioned between way too many aliases over the last ten years). despite my grievances with how the site's gotten nowadays, i have and still do like the pet designs, as well as the worlds, stories, and art direction. even the flash and html games are still pretty good.
but of course, the current neopets site is a shadow of its former self. the customization and NeoCash stuff are some of the things that people are mixed on, but what killed the site for me is the lack of updating older content and how awful the economy has gotten. and of course, yet again i've found myself suckered into this stupid website again. a fourth because of this playthrough, the other three-fourths because i've finally gotten a krawk after a decade thanks to a supreme bout of luck at Anchor Management when i made my new account. my ten-year-old self is swimming in tears right now.
anyhow, with Halloween coming up fast and since i'm still working on the Disgaea manga readthrough, let's do something simple and spooky. there's nothing that says "halloween" more than a shitty choose-your-own-adventure flash game from the early 2000s.
'course, i won't be going in alone. with the wonders of skype, i'll be braving this place with my bud Cyber.
Don't worry mate! We'll get through the specters and spooks. Not sure what to expect but whatever comes our way we'll be prepared. I've never played the haunted house so everything will be a surprise for us! What adventure awaits beyond the doors?
i've played this like... YEARS ago. dunno how my memory holds up, but we'll just happen through it as it goes.
also, heads up, any of my commentary will be in green, Cyber's will be in orange. [also, there is a fair bit of crude language in this playthrough; this game was not kind to us.]
let's do this.
>STORY START
running this in chrome and i'm honestly laughing at how fast the animation goes since newer system and all.
The sound is a little low key but I must admit it runs better than the site itself.
honestly a lot of sound quality on old flash stuff like this sounds like crap, but this is like early-2000-era stuff so really i'm not surprised. as far as the lag issues are concerned, idk what's up with it, especially since i've been on the site a few years back when neo was still with nickelodeon and i don't remember it lagging a whole lot during that time.
Man, back, then Neopets was probably one of the raddest sites out there I would go on it every day just to see how my little pets were doing.
call me cruel but i let most of my neopets starve when i was a kid. mostly since i couldn't afford any food other than those stupid omelettes. as much as the site's gone kinda eh, it's got nostalgic memory for me.
Yeah you have a point. But the food was so damn expensive it was either feed them or buy them stuff- it was just like flowers in the attic and now I feel bad.
hey now, maybe there's flowers in this attic. maybe. i think that was kinda dark for a ref. anyhow, we continue down the road, or pull out and wait?
Hm...I don't think this storms stopping any time soon. It's time to get out of the nice safe car don't you think?
>PULL OFF THE ROAD
dat compressed .wav format scream. also, 2spooky4me/spoopy joke here, etc.
WHOA that scream was loud.
kids, if you're playing along with us, be sure to press that skull in the corner of the flash for the full experience. though you might wanna turn down the volume maybe.
idk about you but i wanna stay in the car.
Yeah that seems like a better idea seeing that the the kacheek is about to shit himself in terror.
>STAY IN CAR
We've ALREADY hit an ending. We probably stayed in the car forever and just died there because SOMEONE forgot to pack the fishsticks and smiley potatos.
like cujo but with ghosts. also, funfact, that cop's species eventually became the kyrii. this is def 1999-2000-era neopets here.
Welp are you feeling any braver Gen?
course i am. that being said, i'm jotting down our choices so we can just take the path where we left off and choose the right path so (hopefully) we don't get a game over.
so yeah let's get a move on. again.
>PULL OFF ROAD
>RUN FROM CAR IN TERROR
spooky.
So are you still scared? We can continue to run for the car in terror. Or we could go to the old house. Cause thereess a light (over at the frankenstein place). But then again...we could just continue on forever along that path and probably die from something in the woods.
staying in the car failed horribly, i'd say we go to the house.
>GO UP THE PATH TO THE HOUSE
my my look at those door knocking graphics- not that these are any better. they just reused them and edited a little bit.
the term is sound effects actually :'D
No I mean the view of the Kacheek and the ...Frog thingy standing there
quiggle. but yeah neo wasn't known for quality art in 2000.
>KNOCK ON DOOR
so what do now?
well we could go to the corridor, go to the death trap- I mean cellar, we could go up the steps to the left, or probably go to whatever died in the backyard.
I say the corridor.
>CONTINUE ALONG CORRIDOR
neopets haunted house feat. quasimodo
Theres that scream sound effect again!!
>CONTINUE
... okay gonna say, that was a legit creepy noise there.
Welp there we go dying again. Blame me this time I lead us to our doom
>PULL OFF ROAD
>RUN FROM CAR IN TERROR
>GET IN HOUSE
>WE'RE NOT GOING IN THE CORRIDOR AGAIN
so should we go up the stairs, to the cellar, or to the back yard?
iirc, backyard i know is a straight-up dead end unless you're masochistic and wanna go there.
The Cellar doesn't seem like the best idea either, so perhaps we could go up the steps? I mean what the hell could be there?
>GO UP STAIRS
bruh
Look. Look at these...MAGNIFICENT...badly drawn skeletons... The skeleton war is truly upon us
looking at those skeletons, i'm having a hard time believing this was made by the same site that dominated the virtual pet market in the mid-00s.
What in gods name were they thinking with these graphics? I mean sure I wasn't expecting a fully animated adventure but MSPaint skeletons? Really?
maybe flash was harder in those days, idk.
>SAME CRAP AS BEFORE
You know I get the feeling that we're playing by Horror movie rules so perhaps we should just pick the WORST decisions ever. Like the cellar.
i guess. honestly i forget what the correct path in this game was, haha.
>CELLAR
Is that the greek alphabet?
eyup
Well looks like we have another choice. It seems when we pick the right thing we go to a multi choice, when we pick the wrong thing its just a one choicer. Now whats the worst decision we could make here?
let's break down the boards B)
>BREAK DOWN BOARDS
huh. that worked.
Gen we came in like a wrecking ball.
honestly surprised there isn't a dorkfish scribbled on the walls.
Now lets see...We could go back up, Go back up and knock on the door, Read the book on Monsters, Read the book on Treasure, or read the book on History.
Reading the book on monsters could give us insight into whats lurking in the house it seems...or maybe a little fairy tail with words to defeat it like in Silent Hill 3 with the Glutton. Reading the book on treasure could probably give us some basic Scooby Doo insight on some guy trying to scare off all the towns people so he can have some ancient relic. Reading the book on history could probably give us some information on those that previously lived in the house and we could figure something wrong like every day paranormal investigators.
Whats it going to be?
assuming 'read all of the books' isn't a viable option here, i'm going with history first.
>READ HISTORY BOOK
a house that's the abode of an evil monster with the ability to control the house and sense when people are in it. so this is basically The Witch's House from over ten years ago.
also i'm pretty sure that wasn't a good sound we heard just now.
>RUN BACK UP STAIRS
aaaaand back in the corridor.
Oh dear lord I think this is like the Akira game where options only work right if you click them after you click another.
god probably. though that game's a whole other can of worms we gotta do sometime.
KANEDA!!
>GO THROUGH CORRIDOR AGAIN
Nice going Kaneda.
shut up, tetsuo.
>ALL THAT BULLSHIT AGAIN
I say we go to the backyard this time.
whatever you say bruh.
>BACKYARD
all mansions i know of have zoos, i dunno about you.
Michael Jackson had a bunch of animals maybe this is Michael Jacksons house....Michael Korbat Jackson.
oh my god, cyber
so zoo or fountain? (both are dead ends)
The fountain seems like it'd make sense (shoosh).
>FOUNTAIN
THAT WAS FROG CANNIBALISM
yo dog we heard you like frogs so we put a frog in your frog and i don't know where this joke is going anymore
>YEAH WE'RE NOT DOING THE BACKYARD AGAIN
We could try the steps again maybe we won't, you know, become MSPaint skeletons again. I don't want to be drafted to the skeleton war.
i really hope that meme never dies. i say we check out more of those books in the cellar
>HEAD FOR CELLAR
wait shit
>GO BACK UP AND KNOCK ON DOOR
WOW I FORGOT HOW TO GET TO THE BOOKS
WELP!
WAIT NOW I REMEMBER
>CELLAR
>READ THE BOOK ON HISTORY
>LEAVE ROOM
hsdgfkjasgjhfkhgakjsdf
okay feck it. i'm pretty sure there was an option just before the door to the house that said to take abother path
i say we try that
>HEAD OUT CAR
>CONTINUE DOWN PATH AWAY FROM HOUSE
... aw no, we're doing all this crap for a baby?
How about we keep asking this lady questions, like why shes standing out in the arain walking with her baby at this time of night.
>KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS
Look at that face
this lady knows her shitty horror flicks
What is this Darkness Falls?
never heard of it
So what should we do? The LOGICAL answer would be to wait for the cops buuut HEY!
yeah we did that before but how did that roll out
>GO TO HOUSE TO LOOK FOR THE STUPID KID
y'know we never did address that noise in the bushes
Hm I wonder what that is. Probably something that will kill us but maybe its the womans baby.
"madam why did you throw your baby in the bushes" "uh well i"
>INVESTIGATE BUSHES
oh hey, cellar shortcut.
No fucking way...
>HEAD INTO CELLAR
>BREAK DOWN BOARDS
lets read the treasure book
i say we read the monster book this time
>READ BOOK ON MONSTERS
funny how the history book says "monsters hate lights" and yet the monster book says "this house is full of spiders". i think the author got them subjects confused.
That is really sad. Just really really sad. I wouldn't be surprised though this game is a mess of clip art and bad MSPaint drawings.
>HEAD UP STAIRS
man bruh i don't remember a dang thing about this game
The only thing left is to CHECK OUT THE ZOO we have done NOTHING so far.
>BACKYARD
>CHECK ZOO
this was before kougras were a thing, btw
We seriously have tigers in this....
are you spooked yet cyber. are you.
I AM MAD. I AM MAD THERES LITTERALLY NOTHING LEFT TO DO!
man neo wasn't kidding when they said this game was "very hard". tho replace that with "utter bullshit" because the hints this game gives are so friggin vague
I think we might actually have to look at a walkthrough... Right now I CANNOT figure out what to do next. This is almost as bad as Akira.
akira had better graphics for a famicom game tho. but yeah piss i'm gonna have to get a walkthrough for this. god bless jellyneo.
>DO WALKTHROUGH SHIT AND READ THE HISTORY BOOK
>HEAD THROUGH CORRIDOR
this is our creepy bad guy folks. was it worth it.
totally worth it.
>SHINE TORCH IN FACE
Is this a british game, because they call it a torch instead of a flashlight.
LOOK AT THIS.. THIS IS HILARIOUS
are those stained-glass windows or tacky modern art
I.....It...You know I have no clue they're probably stained glass.
>RUN THROUGH RIGHT CORRIDOR
man i
i dunno about you but i need a serious drink right now
We've almost spent TWO HOURS... COUNT THEM ALMOST TWO HOURS ON THIS GAME....
we did this crap for you, readers
i hope you're all happy. good lord, i don't want to deal with shitty flash games ever again.
We literally spent two hours, and used a walkthrough for a neopets flash game.
Seriously we have too much time on our hands.
i spent like several weeks mulling up the motivation for the conker rec and that already feels a shorter time than what we spent on this. or maybe i'm just sugar-deprived. i need a pepsi.
man just wait until we have to do akira on the famicom
 |
| [i'm not ready.] |
[Hopefully we'll have a game we can go through together, it'll probably be absolutely terrible and end up giving us tons of headaches but it will still be quite an experience like this neopian haunted house!]
[till then, hope you folks have a happy halloween! stay safe, stay rad, and don't talk crap about candy corn. i love that stuff.]
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